LESSONS FROM OUR ELDERS
BY BEMSI WALLANG – Growing up in a Cameroonian-American household, I’ve witnessed a large disconnect between the way elders are revered and honored in my culture in comparison to the way they are valued in the United States. When an elder enters the room, the least that is expected of a young person to do is stand. Some west African cultures like the Yoruba people of Nigeria even prostrate in the presence of elders. It’s almost unthinkable that in these societies, elders are treated pristinely but in the United States we can’t even faithfully abstain from sitting in the “reserved for the elderly” seats in the front of the bus. I personally believe that elders are full of wisdom and deserve our utmost respect. I can’t say that I believe this independently of my upbringing; I am aware of its influence. However, when I consider how tough life can be and how we grow more and more into who we are as we age, I marvel at the endurance it must take to keep living, let alone long enough to bear a legacy worth sharing.
Here’s a list of five things that I believe we can all learn from the elders around us:
- Never forget that they were once your age. They know where you’ve been. Be willing to listen and hear how they got through it. Maybe you aren’t a Korean War Veteran. Maybe you didn’t live through Woodstock–It doesn’t mean there aren’t lessons that lie within their experiences. You know the way that most elders are so peaceful, almost transcendent? Think about what got them to such a state. The courage to see past the uncertainties and disappointments of life is what drives living. Look for motifs of failure, growth, and change in their stories. Just like you, they had to start from scratch at one point, and that alone supersedes the difference in time.
- Their autonomy deserves to be respected. Health and mobility problems are almost always inevitable with old age. While they cannot help it, don’t remind them of it. Do what you can to provide them with the help that they need, but recognize that they are human beings with personalities, wants, desires, and likenesses. Those treasures deserve to be preserved.
- Be genuine and intentional in your interactions with them. Be respectful and polite, but don’t feel as though you have to alter yourself in order to be deemed as acceptable in their eyes.
- Elders are walking, breathing books. Their wisdom is indefinite. Don’t be too proud to listen, make conversation, ask questions, and absorb all that you can.
- Their endurance and steadfastness in life can show us just how miraculous and worthwhile life is. We don’t ask to be born, and we definitely don’t ask to die, or to at least be so close to its coming. That’s why I find their bravery so inspiring, contagious even. When you reach a point where you are purely content with the breadth of your life, you begin to seek different things out of life and appreciate the littlest things. That helps put my quarter-life crises into perspective. Big time. I know that I will end up okay. I can look at someone like my grandfather who walked miles to get to school and came from absolutely nothing. When he married my Grandma, they were really all that they had and to this day that’s how they live. I’ve found from my grandparents’ story and other stories like theirs that the questions we have and struggles we face as young adults about financial security and effectively investing in our futures and careers are absolutely valid, but they aren’t the point to life. Life will work out regardless of what you do. It just does.
One last tip that I try to stick by even with my Grandparents: While we are learning so much from them, they are learning from us as well. Don’t be scared to feed into their lives. Add value. We have no idea how comforting sharing a laugh or opening up to them on our personal lives can be for them. Why not try? The generational gap between our age groups already poses an obstacle, but it can be overcome with authenticity and vulnerability. We are not too small to make an impact, and neither are they.